Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
