my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
