i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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