Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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