I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
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Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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