I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
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I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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