I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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