i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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