hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
