oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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