Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
