This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
