Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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