Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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