somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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