I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
