Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
