You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
