I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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