I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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