They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
