Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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