I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
