his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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