Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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