y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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