no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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