Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
