I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
