I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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