god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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