I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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