we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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