Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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