So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize