tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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