don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
