I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's a Shit stain on my heart
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
