Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
