great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Barsexuality is the new black.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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