They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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