i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
