he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
