No awkward lesbian experiences without me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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