so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
