therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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