Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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