so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
