the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
