I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
