What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
