My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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