apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
