i don't like sucking hair
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
