i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
