needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
