I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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