I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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