just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
True strength comes from lack of pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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