First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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