Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
