Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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