This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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