The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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