I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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